Batman vs. Batman (vs. Batman vs. Batman vs. Batman)

Too many Batmans! They should fight! Metaphorically!

1. Adam West (Batman 1966) vs. Michael Keaton (Batman 1989)

For comic book enthusiasts, the outcome of this battle seems obvious. Tim Burton's "Batman" brought darkness back into the franchise. Michael Keaton was a dark knight, and it wasn't funny when he declared, "I'm Batman." In fact, for a nine-year-old girl, it was almost scary.

But before Keaton, there was West. We can hardly call his Batman a dark knight. The studio lighting didn't leave too many shadows around the black knickers he donned over his light blue tights. His boots looked like slippers, and, seriously, there were eyebrows painted onto the bat-mask.

Both Adam West and Michael Keaton suffered career slumps after their stints as the Batman. West does the voice of the Mayor of Quahog on "Family Guy," and Michael Keaton is in "Herbie: Fully Loaded" like it's okay to be in "Herbie: Fully Loaded." Does Keaton's less cringe-worthy turn as Gotham City's hero make him the better Batman?

I say, "Yes," but Stephanie has reminded me that we couldn't end our conversations with "Same bat time, same bat channel" without West. She also pointed out: "...what is Batman but a guy who dresses up like a bat for no good reason? Adam West totally captured the hilarity of that." And Keaton only battled against one Catwoman. West took it to the next level with three.

Advantage: West

2. Michael Keaton vs. Val Kilmer (Batman 1995)

According to IMDb.com, Keaton walked away from the Batman franchise after reading the script for Schulmacher's "Batman Forever."

Good decision. Except we got Val Kilmer.

Sure, Kilmer's lips became famous. He wore the (eye-brow-free) bat-mask quite well, and I almost excused the fact that his Batman didn't have the neurotic charm of Keaton's. Almost.

Val Kilmer made Bruce Wayne seem like a regular guy, a vulnerable joe who gets shy at the sight of Nicole Kidman's breasts--er, charms. He wasn't nearly as crazy as Tommy Lee Jones' Two-Face or Carrey's Riddler.

See, Kilmer didn't get the memo. Batman/Bruce Wayne is not your average playboy billionaire with a noble desire to change Gotham City. Batman is a lunatic with resources at his disposal. And he wouldn't wear those stupid glasses.

Advantage: Keaton

3. Val Kilmer vs. George Clooney (Batman 1997)

If it weren't for "O, Brother, Where Art Thou?" and "Out of Sight" George Clooney would have to send $10 and an apology card to every person who suffered through "Batman & Robin," heretofore known as "the Batman movie that does not exist."

I suppose, then, the battle should look like this: Val Kilmer vs. Val Kilmer

There can be only winner in this new battle.

Advantage: Keaton

4. Adam West vs. Michael Keaton vs. Christian Bale (Batman 2005)

This could get ugly.

Christian Bale is the Batman of the 21st century. He's as pretty as Val Kilmer, and Nolan's "Batman Begins" acknowledges and expands upon the personal troubles of Bruce Wayne. In his performance as the Dark Knight, Bale is serious, sensitive, and scary. He has the potential to become what West and Keaton already are: Batman.

West and Keaton can no more escape their roles as Batman. West tried. Yes, Keaton also played Beetlejuice, but he played it a little too well. I have a hard time remembering him as the "ghost with the most." He is Batman, too; I've heard him say it a number of times on Prince's "The Future," and I believe him.

Bale has some interesting shoes to fill, and he's making a damned decent go of it in "Batman Begins." In the mean time, though...

Advantage: West and Keaton