Book Quiz for Pirates

Want, take, have. That's how I roll--especially when it comes to book quizzes. I yoinked the first four questions from some place, and I had Stephanie pose a few more essential book questions for me. That, too, is how I roll.

1. Total number of books I've owned

There are 248 borrowed, bought, stolen, found, and gifted books in my Greensboro apartment. This number does not include the Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon mangas; the Buffy graphic novel; or the Harlequin and Silhouette romance novels stacked in the closet.

I've lost dozens of books. I remember a hardcover, illustrated edition of Pinocchio that I read over and over again because I liked the part when the puppet-boy accidently burned off his feet. It's gone. I remember my illustrated children's Bible, which contained an image of Mary--sweat-drenched and weary--cradling her newborn son. Joseph's single candle illuminates the scene. That's gone, too, along with a worn copy of a Nancy Friday collection of sex stories, three copies of that Richard Rodriguez autobiography, and Anne of Green Gables--to name a few.

I sold the Chicago Manual of Style for gas money.

2. Last book I bought

Yesterday, I purchased Girl with a Pearl Earring and Possession from a seller on Amazon.com. The shipping cost more than the actual texts.

I bought them both because I've seen the movies. Stephanie advocates seeing the movie first; that way, you can almost guarantee you won't be disappointed. (The exception? The Godfather. Mario Puzo? Shut up.)

3.Last book I read

Stephanie lent me Pastoralia by George Saunders nearly two years ago. I just got around to reading it.

I'm working on Isabel Allende's Daughter of Fortune. Sometimes she writes so beautifully, I just want to stop whatever scribbling I'm trying to do and become a plumber. But then she's probably a better plumber than I am, too.

4. Five books that mean a lot to me

This is a tough question, but here goes:

a. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell--I've read this novel nearly ten times. That is, ten times that I can remember. I stuck rose petals between the pages to mark my favorite moments. Every now and then I pull it off the shelf and just touch the cover, re-read scenes. And yet, I have guilt about loving this book so much. I once read an article by Alice Walker, who detailed the humiliation and anger she felt when one of her friends dressed as Scarlett O'Hara for a costume party. She felt betrayed. Alice Walker! If she finds out how much I love this book, I could have my Blackness membership card shredded.

b. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald--Beautiful prose. Perfect story. And did I mention beautiful prose?

c. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez--I always feel like reading this book again. It's magical. It's real. It's well-written.

d. The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende--Damn her and her fabulous storytelling.

e. The Color Purple by Alice Walker--I re-read this book when I was working on my thesis. This meditation on women's transgression and friendship still gets to me. (To Ms. Walker--Please don't revoke my membership!)

5. If I were asked to donate three books to send to the moon for the aliens to find upon first contact, what would they be?

Carrie by Stephen King; Jared's Love Child by Sandra Field; and America: The Book by Jon Stewart et. al., when combined, provide an image of American life that would both disgust and intimidate hostile aliens. You can thank me later.

6. If I were captured by corrupt, South Asian authorities, which book would get me thrown into prison?

Desperate Characters by Paula Fox. There's nothing terribly provocative about this short novel. It's just the most boring and pointless riff on American middle-class life ever. And my captors would peruse the pages and understand that. If I've been toting that mess all over the planet, then I deserve punishment.

7. If I had one of those libraries like the Beast had in Disney's "Beauty & the Beast," which three books would always be on the table, ready for consumption?

Dracula by Bram Stoker; Scarlett by Alexandra Ripley; and Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston--For some reason, flipping through these books makes me feel like I'm at home.

8. If I were stuck on a 20-hour flight with Paris Hilton, what two books would I take with me to prevent conversation--one for me, one for her?

Paris: Isn't first-class--
Sam: No.
Paris: Well, I--
Sam: No.
Paris: Hey, do you--
Sam: Take this copy of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.
Paris: But I can't--
Sam: Experience emotional pain, bitch! And do it quietly. I'm trying to finish Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye.

9. What book has won me the most friends?

I've picked up a couple of friends by mentioning Arundhati Roy's The God of Small Things. Sad thing is, I only remember it being an evocative novel. I'm afraid I don't recall too much beyond the title and the author's lovely, lovely name.

10. What three books do I want to be buried with, so that when I'm dug up like King Tut, the archaeologists will thoroughly understand 20th and 21st century society?

They'll find my gnarled, dusty, bone-fingers curled around copies of Ellison's Invisible Man; Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy; and Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And then everyone will realize how scary and fascinating and unfair and awful and wonderful it was to be alive in the Era of Her Highness Sam and her Mighty Cat People, who protected the moon from malevolent aliens with their magic books.