Too Many Husbands?

The Point of Babette likes to kick it old school. Word.

Last night, Stephanie suggested we watch "Too Many Husbands," starring Jean Arthur as Vicky Lowndes. In this 1940 comedy, a man is lost at sea for a year. When he returns, he discovers his wife--believing him dead--has married his best friend. Naturally, hijinks ensue. Poor Vicky can't decide which husband she loves more--and the movie pretty much ends on that note. She dances her nights away with two men who are locked in a competition for her affection.

Vicky Lowndes is my hero.

Her pioneering attitude toward matrimony has me thinking about the husbands I'd like to have competing for my attention:

Trey Parker & Matt Stone: I imagine if I were Mrs. Parker-Stone, Trey would try to impress me with the innovative ideas he has for "South Park" episodes and boundary-pushing films while Matt Stone would make me muffins because he knows "chicks dig guys who can cook." (He is not wrong.)

Jay-Z & Mos Def: As Mrs. Z-Def, I would appreciate Jigga's ability to navigate the corporate world, but I'd "keep it real" with Mos Def. Oh, and we wouldn't sit down for dinner. Every meal is a free-style session. May the man who spits the hottest fire win.

Rivers Cuomo (Weezer) & Melora Creager (Rasputina): How can Melora Creager be my husband? Um, have you seen her work the cello? As Mrs. Cuomo-Creager, I could witness the mysterious and magical process of creating killer music. Let's take a moment to imagine what a Weezer-Rasputina collaboration would sound like... That's right: awesome. And that sound would be a direct product of our three-way love.

William Goldman (The Princess Bride) & Vladimir Nabokov (Lolita): And now you're wondering how I can be married to 1) a dead guy and 2) a guy who is super-old. No one ever accused Mrs. Goldman-Nabokov of being shallow. And my dear Mr. Goldman always said, "Death cannot stop true love; it can only delay it for a while." How romantic--that means I'll always have time to hunt butterlies with Vladimir while Bill works on another Academy-award winning screenplay.

Johnny Depp & Jake Gyllenhaal: Me... Mrs. Depp-Gyllenhaal... my husbands... too... sexy... can't function... [Note: Cat, I know how you feel about my other husband in this scenario, and I only have one thing to say to you: "No." Stay away from my man; I will fight.]

As you can see, having two husbands is totally sweet. As with wine and chocolate, one husband can bring out the flavor of the other--and absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong...