Solo

I can't say I wasn't a little pleased when Stephanie told me she was going out of town for the Easter holiday. You see, Babetteers, I'm a loner... a rebel. I looked forward to the time I would spend alone being superbadass and cool.

And like any superbadass rebel, I made a list of things to do in my roommate's absence. What could I do that would irritate her if I did it in her presence? What could I do to make her jealous?

1. Let the cat do whatever he wants to do.
2. Watch horror movies and stand-up comedy in the living room.
3. Eat weird vegetarian food for both lunch and dinner.
4. Turn on all the lamps in the apartment.
5. Refuse to wear pants.
6. Throw a huge party.
7. Eat the rest of the Girl Scout cookies.

I tell you, friends, that list is the blueprint for mayhem, mayhem, mayhem with a dash of debauchery. And you would think this Saturday night would find me lying in a pile of cookie crumbs and soy chunks while strangers dance to the opening music to Wanda Sykes' stand-up routine.

And you'd be thinking wrong. Here's how my weekend of rebellion and badassery is shaping up:

1. The cat already does what he wants--and he wants to shred my couch with his claws.

2. I rented "The Return" with Sarah Michelle Gellar, and my spine failed to be tingled, and my bumps were never goosed. Further, I think Stephanie would have enjoyed the Chappelle routine. I'll return it after she gets back.

3. I haven't had the time or energy to stop by the grocery store, so I've been eating leftover honey chicken and cold turkey loaf.

4. The light hurts my eyes.

5. The unexpected temperature drop makes it less than comfy to stroll around the house without my thickest pair of pajama pants on.

6. I've had one guest. She fell asleep on the couch.

7. And after eating all that honey chicken, I barely have tummy room for more than two cookies.

So, maybe I'm not really a loner. Perhaps I even miss the other half of the Point of Babette. That doesn't make me any less superbadass and cool. It just means Stephanie needs to come home before I make her cat re-upholster my couch.