I asked you a simple question! Do you love her? YES! But don't hold that against me, I'm a little screwy myself!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Sad (Future) Saga of OJ and the Man

So, OJ Simpson is in trouble again. First it was murder, now it's armed robbery. Seems kind of like he's downgrading, right? I mean, what's next? Funny you should ask. The Point of Babette has done extensive research and is here to tell you what's next.

1. Out on bail, OJ is brushed by another pedestrian, who he then drags into an alley and beats up. It would be a mugging, but the guy doesn't have any memorabilia on him.

2. In their investigation of his armed robbery charges, the police uncover the ladies cosmetics pyramid scheme that OJ has been running out of his poolhouse.

3. A few weeks later, they find fields of cannibus growing at his vacation home.

4. Several of the top collectors of Simpson memorabilia report that their cars have been spray-painted with the words, "Stop stealing my shit!!!"

5. In his most recent high speed chase from the cops (who are trying to apprehend him for the vandalism charge), he crosses private property with clearly posted "No trespassing" signs.

6. OJ is picked up after reports that he was sleeping on the courthouse steps, mumbling derogatory ephithets about the law. He is charged with public drunkenness.

So you see, there is a rough road of diminishing returns ahead for OJ Simpson. We can only hope that, eventually, he'll serve some time. Maybe for the drunkenness.

2 Comments:

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

Great list, though it only scratches the surface.

You forgot jaywalking, returning library books late, and tipping poorly at Olive Garden, etc. (True, these are not crimes for which people are normally arrested, but OJ could surely find a way!)

The Earth's core's limit!

6:23 AM

 
Blogger Stephanie Elise Burns said...

Perhaps you're right. Perhaps further into the future, OJ will embark upon the many offences for which you can be fined. Violating noise ordinances, carrying too much weight on his truck, littering. It's like his life of crime has no end.

6:07 AM

 

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