Hollywood Travel Guide

New obsession: travel.

One day I realized I'd traveled no further than 876 miles away from my hometown of Goldsboro, NC. And according to my schooling, the world's diameter is a greater than 876 miles.

I need to go somewhere. I've interviewed friends who have traveled to Canada, Mexico, Spain, Portugal, Norway, England, Scotland, Ireland, France, Belgium, the Czech Republic, Benin, Micronesia, Costa Rica, Ghana... but that's not enough. I need the Hollywood Travel Guide.

--Hash brownies are legal in Amsterdam, and Italian guys are creepy. I should also avoid Lucy Lawless at all costs. (Eurotrip)

--If I run out of money and credit in France, I can become a showgirl without the benefit of a work permit. (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes)

--I can bring an edged weapon onto the plane from Japan to the U.S. when it's time to smite my enemies. Further, Japanese law allows me to murder the Crazy 88 without fear of an arrest. (Kill Bill)

--I'm not sure exactly where I can find the "Canyon of the Crescent Moon," but I have to get there before the Nazis find the Holy Grail and unleash an army of darkness on the world as we know it. (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)

--Zombies are prevalent in England. I should make sure I get the proper immunization before I visit Buckingham Palace. (Shaun of the Dead, Twenty Eight Days Later, Twenty Eight Weeks Later)

--And vampires party in France. (Bloody Mallory)

--And genetically altered killer sheep run rampant in New Zealand. (Black Sheep)

--For travel in the Depression era U.S., I should be prepared to eat raw carrots for breakfast and share a motel room with Clark Gable. Times are tough. (It Happened One Night)

--I should travel to Argentina and take up with an illegal casino owner in order to escape my hot-tempered ex-boyfriend. Except not. (Gilda)

--Taye Diggs is waiting for me in Jamaica if I haven't found a boyfriend by the time I'm 40. (How Stella Got Her Groove Back)

So, I guess I need save up, pack a sword and a sequined gown for my show-stopping number, and get ready for my international adventure...