The Mysterious Miss S

Sam returns to Greensboro today. The Prodigal has been rather incommunicado during her stint in Ohio. Which is pretty suspicious right? Just exactly what has she been up to? Here are my top 10 guesses:

1. Full body tattoo.

2. Joined a local "commune" where the proceeds from the sale of her worldly possessions finances her lifetime supply of special kool-aid.

3. Tried out for a TV dance contest, got paired with a surly guy from the other side of the tracks, had to keep everything from her disapproving army dad, but eventually won the contest, the guy and got her dad off her back. All while wearing a cute Catholic school girl outfit.

4. Got involved in a Hello Kitty waffle iron smuggling ring, was busted by Federal authorities and forced to become a spy within the group--which eventually led to the downfall of the whole enterprise.

5. Became a Rasputina groupie.

6. Was shot on the day of her wedding rehersal, went into a coma only to wake up some time later ready to kill a lot of people. With a big sword. While wearing yellow.

7. Became so frustrated with her hair that she joined a convent with particularly fetching habits. At first the straight-laced Mother Superior had her do chores, but eventually she decided to put Sam to work as the choir director. The choir became a huge hit after Sam mixed a little rock and roll into the regular hymns, which was great until her mobster boyfriend got wind of it. Um, did I mention the mobster boyfriend?

8. Became the newest recruit in the French Foreign Legion.

9. Was arrested outside the house of one Trey Parker. Mrs. Parker alledged that Sam had been trying to scale the garden wall while singing a modified version of "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" wherein she replaced "Kyle's Mom" with "Trey's Wife".

10. Engaged in a marathon 2-week WriterFight tournament. Upon winning the grand prize, she collapsed from dehydration and fatigue, her last discernable words being, "Suck on that, Hunter S. Thompson!"

Well, those are my guesses. What do you guys think?