Ask Stephanie's Cat When He's Balancing On Top of the Door

Stephanie's cat has been avoiding the advice game for nearly a year now. However, the approach of spring has reminded him of two pertinent issues:

1) the potential for love to blossom like so many allergy-inducing flowers and

2) taxes.

Dear Asta: Why does tax season have to be so difficult? I can't keep all these forms and charts straight! Which tax service do you recommend to untangle this mess?--Fed Up with Fed. Taxes

I can jump. I can jump up and high. I can jump on your bookshelf, and then I can jump on your door. Look at me on top of your door. Look. I can keep my balance. I purr when you look at me. Do not move the door. I can hold on if you move the door, but I cannot purr. I can pretend I can take a nap up here. Do not move the door. Do not stop looking at me.

Dear Asta: Why don't men return calls when they say they will? And what's with the slow fade--you know, that thing they do when they act like they're really interested in you then disappear? I'm so tired of this kind of disappointment. Is dating really this hopeless?--And Don't You Dare Suggest I Read He's Just Not That Into You

When I am on the door, I am brave and strong. I look at you from high above the carpet (which I like to scratch and sniff). I purr. You smell familiar, and I purr some more from up here. If I wobble, you will try to catch me. But I can keep my balance. I purr. I can jump down from here, and then I can jump back up again. You smell familiar, even from up here. Reach up and pet me. Look.