"I Lo--I Mean, I Like You, Too..."

On Monday night I watched the Golden Globes with the incomparable Crystal and Travis featuring Travis' pal, Tim. What do you get when you mix screwdrivers, merlot, televised award ceremonies, and awesome people? Go on, guess.

I had a great time, but I walked away from the experience feeling... blue. I could have been having a killer time last semester, but I spent most of my time trapped in a toxic web of social melodrama. And I feel regret. Life is short, and awesome people are few and far between.

Now, as we all know, I cope by imposing categories and classifications on almost every aspect of my life. To dismantle my profound sense of regret--and to prevent future web suckage--I offer you:

THE LEVELS OF FRIENDSHIP (Find your place!)

1. FOLK: Folk do not have to be blood relations. In fact, it's probably better if they aren't actual family. Folk know you through and through. They've seen your bedhead and smelled your morning breath. When you cried in front of folk at the end of "The Color Purple," you were not embarrassed. In fact, folk know exactly when to pass you the box of tissues.

2. B.F.F. (Best Friends Forever): BFF are almost folk, but not quite. You can go on a road trip with your BFF and have a blast, and you can stay up all night talking with her/him, too. A good BFF makes you laugh milk out of your nose. And if you're really lucky, your BFF is photogenic: you take lots of pictures together.

3. SLEEPOVER FRIENDS: Sleepover friends are usually former BFF who have moved away or gotten married. You always mean to call your sleepover friend, but you just can't get around to it. But--when you finally do get together, it's like they never stopped being BFF. The two of you can talk forever--mainly because you have a year's worth of catching up to do!

4. FRIENDLIES: You have a whole lot in common with your friendly. You do. You like the same movies, the same music, the same shows. Friendlies tell sweet jokes. However, you would be mortified if your friendly knew how hard you cried during Sarah McLachlan songs.

5. SUB-FRIENDLIES: You think your sub-friendlies are awesome. You do. You like their style and their sense of humor. Sub-friendlies smell great, and you may have their phone numbers stored in your cellie. But you can't hang out with a sub-friendly unless a friendly (or up) is there with you. Otherwise, it's all awkward conversation and hot cheeks.

6. BUDDIES: Buddies are like furniture. They make the space of your homes away from home--i.e., your office or classroom--a little more comfortable. But you don't call buddies at home, and you are shocked if they display any range of emotion outside of "upbeat-ness." Sadness: what's up with that, buddy?

7. AWKWARD!: It's not that you hate Awkward! or anything like that. You could. But you totally don't. Awkward!, you see, just has this habit of sucking more often than rocking. Awkward! always says exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time. And you feel really horrible about talking trash about Awkward! but--well, when they suck, they just suck.

8. ENEMIES: You want them to get in your face just one time. Please. Just one time.

*9. NEMESIS: While folk and BFF and friendlies can abound, there's only room for one nemesis in your life. Blinding hatred takes a lot of energy, and every single thing this person does makes you want to flip out, ninja-style. Her breathing grates on your nerves--and did you say she could speak?

*The Point of Babette does not necessarily endorse hateration, but having a nemesis does build character.