Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned From...

Tyler Perry's "Madea Goes to Jail"

1. Women who try to balance their careers and their family lives are evil. Seriously. They'll make it a point to sleep with your best friend, your boss, and the buffoon who runs the check-in counter at the local jail.

2. Stealing gasoline warrants the same punishment as stabbing a pimp.

3. Nothing makes a juvenile delinquent appreciate education like sending her to school in a dress that's ten times too big.

4. "The Color Purple" is the best movie ever.

5. Kids not listening to you? Brandish your firearm. Still not listening? Set it off.

6. Christian men got it going on. Like whoa.

7. Jail is suspiciously like a hotel: you can come and go as you please.

8. "If you want to know if a man is cheating on you, ask him for one thing. If he doesn't give it to you, you know he's cheating. And that one thing is..." That's right; that's all you get because Tyler Perry doesn't want to rat out his playas.

9. Drowned babies need blood transfusions.

10. Even churchgoing women can drop it like it's hot.

11. No bra can contain Madea's 40HHs. Not one.