OLL#8: Oh, To Be Charlene...

[Where have I been? Oh, I've only been having a passionate (albeit, one-sided) affair with the premiere purveyor of truthiness, "Stephen Colbert."]

Beloved "Stephen Colbert,"

It was summer, and now it's done. I'm at work, doing work with the working. I have to wear pants without holes. If someone asks me what I'm going to be doing later on, I can't offer, "lying down with the AC on," as a viable plan. That's sad, but I still have my memories... and "The Colbert Report."

I found you while staying in a hotel room in Gambier, OH. I knew all about "The Daily Show," but I was confused when Jon Stewart decided to "check in with 'The Colbert Report'" at the end of the episode. At first I wondered, "Is this guy for real?" And then I wondered, "Bears are godless killing machines?"

Now, I have a crush--and this one is special. No, really. I know I said I loved Trey Parker, and I do, but not like this. Let's be honest: "South Park" episodes are brilliant, but they have clear--and profanely articulated--morals. "The Colbert Report" is a solid half hour of ironic comedy gold.

I mean, everybody on earth needs to see that apology to Geraldo Rivera. (Open Hate Memo #1: Really, Geraldo? Really? You can't honestly be taking yourself seriously at this point. Stop talking to Bill O'Reilly. Hate, Sam.) Good irony is hard to come by these days. And you have a way of saying the exact opposite of what I think and cracking me up at the same time.

So, even though I have to wake up at 6:30 in the morning, I stay up just long enough to get "The Word." Sometimes I think I wonder if I heard "The Word" wrong, so I watch the reruns at 8:00 the next day. I've joined The Colbert Nation. And I'll join the fan club for Stephen and the Colberts. I'm ready for that.

Love,
Sam