Top Ten Things That Are BETTER Than a Weekend at Alabama Shakespeare Festival

1. Finding treasure chest full of gold under the bed.
2. Winning Pulitzer Prize for essay on tadpoles written in the fifth grade.
3. Running into Johnny Depp on the street; having ice-cream lunch with him the next day.
4. Never reading about Britney Spear's pregnancies ever again.
5. Eating homemade lasagna while riding in a gondola in Venice.
6. Time travel.
7. Spending the whole day in your pajamas--also with Johnny Depp.
8. Realizing Chris Daughtry did not, in fact, get voted off "American Idol."
9. Dancing on-stage with 1980s Madonna during both "Holiday" and "Material Girl."
10. Finding autographed copy of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night next to that treasure chest. The inscription reads: "To my '06 homegirls with love. See you in the future! [Heart], W. Shakespeare." Yes!

(And they say the Red States have no culture. Check out the ASF production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" while you still can!)