The Movie Spoiler Power Hour

The Point of Babette knows you don't have time to catch every Asian horror film that goes straight to DVD. So, we give you a summary of The Pang Brothers' cinematic masterpiece, The Eye 2 (as told to Stephanie by Sam over the phone):

"Girl. So, okay. Okay--there's this girl, and she's, like, shopping and hanging out in her hotel room or whatever. And I'm trying to figure out if she's from the first movie, but then I realize that she's not, and I'm like, 'Okay, this is a sequel featuring none of the original characters. Awesome.' Anyway, she's in her room, and she takes all these pills, and then she passes out right after all these dead people start hanging out around her bed. So, then, time passes or something, and she got her stomach pumped, but then she finds out she's pregnant, and--can I just say it worries me when people like that have children--

"Oh! I forgot the part where she's having an affair with a married man, and the married man's wife, like, totally killed herself by jumping in front of a train.

"Anyway, this mess finds out she's pregnant--not the wife, the mess that tried to kill herself with the pills, but then all this weird stuff starts happening--like she can see the married guy's dead wife, and she's all, 'WTF?'

"So, she visits this guru, and he's all, 'Hey, you know how people get reincarnated? Well, that lady probably just wants to start her new life, so chill out and stop screaming and freaking out, okay?' And she says she gets it, but she doesn't because she completely loses her shit when she sees some other ghost try to jump into some lady's dead baby--

"No, I don't know why the baby was dead, Stephanie.

"Anyway, she sees this dead chick's face on her baby's ultrasound, and she starts freaking out. And I'm like, 'Okay, we talked about this,' but this thang was like, 'Hey, guess what--I'll kill myself--because killing myself would totally solve this specific problem.' Oh, and, by the way, she talked to her guru friend again, he told her to chill, but did she listen? Why would she listen? We have 40 more minutes of celluloid to burn.

"So, yeah, she's about to go into labor or whatever, and she flips out and throws herself off the top of the hospital building, and it was nasty. She's all bloody, and the ghost wife of her ex-boyfriend is standing over her like, 'Yeah, could you stop?' And this stupid cow keeps trying to off herself, but then she keeps saying to the ghost woman, 'Stay away from my baby,' because, yeah, killing yourself is the best way to protect your unborn child.

"So, the hospital workers find her, and she gives birth, and the baby is totally normal because--hello!--the old guy totally told her that spirits get recycled, and I just don't get how she figured she didn't have to listen to a guy who communicates with the dead on the regular. And then at the end, you see this shot of ghosts hanging out in a Lamaze class, and, okay, is that supposed to be creepy? Because we already know dead people are awesome and don't hurt babies."