Coming Soon to a Theater Near You...

No doubt you've seen the pictures of an emaciated Keira Knightley trying to work a slinky, gold halter dress-thing on the red carpet. (If not, click on the link to Go Fug Yourself to your right there.) No doubt you're concerned about how gross she looks, but you have to remain calm. We, at the Point of Babette, have it on good authority Ms. Knightley is preparing for the lead role in her semi-autobiographical horror film...

RIBS of KNIGHTLEY

In a world where only starlets are not allowed to consume carbohydrates and saturated fats, five friends--Bridie, Skipper, Leo, Kenny, and Tex--feel safe in their suburban homes. They crave adventure, and they find it when they dare each other to spend one night in the infamous Knightley house. According to legend, the once promising star of "Bend It Like Beckham" and "Pirates of the Caribbean" wasted away in her bedroom when she refused to eat more than unsweetened Kool-Aid powder. According to legend, you can still hear her stomach growling in the middle of the night...

On that fateful evening, the kids uncover a terrifying secret: Knightley Lives!

Your spines will be tingled when the skeletal Keira Knightley focuses her dread-terror on the hapless and portly Tex. Watch with bated breath as Skipper and Leo attempt to defeat the corporeal apparition with breaded chicken legs and cole slaw. Your hearts will race as Kenny, the runt and heart of the group, gets trapped between the protruding ribs of the horrifying former actress. And you will applaud when Bridie, the girl wonder of that group of heroes, shows the monster how real women snack at midnight.

Get the Scary Skinny... October 16, 2006