The Trial of Marie Claire
Promises, promises.
We, the cultural gatekeepers of The Point of Babette, believe a publication should live up to its potential. Editors should keep their word and earn the trust of their readership.
This month, the cover of Marie Claire boldly claimed to offer vital information on "Your Best Haircut," 50 single men scrambling to marry you; the new (killer) diet drug; and sexy, sexual sex. Jessica Alba validated these claims with a winning smile and honey highlights.
Now, the Sam half of The Point of Babette is never quite sure what she wants from a women's magazine. Ms. magazine sometimes needs to lighten up, but the editors of Cosmopolitan have a minimal understanding of how women who can't afford couture behave. For a while, I only used the pages of women's magazines to make envelopes. On Monday, however, the August 2005 issue of Marie Claire stood between me and debilitating boredom.
Today, I stand between Marie Claire and blind, bitter Justice. Below, I have listed the crimes the August issue committed against humanity. Yes, humanity.
- The inclusion of an article that emphasizes crystal meth as a killer diet drug--In one meth diary, the narrator describes losing her family, dropping out of school, and selling her body for a hit. Oh, and she got so skinny.
- Pretending $100 jeans are affordable.
- Placing single, American men on an auction block with puppies and sporting equipment--The editor calls them "Ben Joneses," as in "the male version of Bridget Jones." She claims to have met these men, and she knows they want to marry me. Thing is, none of these men are Jude Law. Not one of them is Trey Parker, and I didn't see Michael Ealy. So, why do I care if these "great" men want to marry me?
- Promising readers 25 more eligible bachelors for September--Chances are these men are not Law, Parker, or Ealy either.
- Forcing readers to recall that time when Keri Russell chopped off her hair and caused the dumbest ratings drop in the history of television.
- Jessica Alba.
- Debunking 13 sex myths that no one ever cared about--How relieved am I that toe-sucking is not just for foot fetishists anymore?
- Claiming military jackets constitute fashion.
- Pretending I would even consider dressing like Sarah Jessica Parker, Cameron Diaz, or Sienna Miller.
- Allowing a reader to grocery shop in a bikini for a designer handbag--And they took pictures. I dare you to think of something more pointless.
- Including sex tips that sound like stereo instructions.
You be the jury. The August 2005 issue of Marie Claire will be sentenced to recycling or burning if enough of you find it guilty.
Vote!
posted by Samantha Simpson at 9:45 AM
3 Comments:
See, that's the problem with you womenfolk. You want "tips" and "information" from your magazine.
Men's magazines, like Maxim (which I, of course, never read) have one very important ingredient which Cosmo and Marie Claire ignore: humor.
Men don't care about haute couture or shopping for shoes. We just want to be entertained. Oh Maxim, you slay me.
Or you would if I debased my moral standards enough to read you, what with your scantily clad models and all...
8:28 AM
I would have to disagree with the afore commenter, naryb5, I believe...
As I woman, I want more than "tips" and "information." I want humor (which is usually why I read women's magazines in the first place, if I want intellectual stimulation I would buy Time or The Nation). Often, I'd just as soon pick up a men's magazine like Maxim or GQ or even Playboy, as the articles are for more interesting and the pictures no more provocative (with the exception of Playboy perhaps) than those I find in women's magazines.
It's not that women don't want humor, it's that these magazines are humor, for me at least. I only buy what my mother calls "trash mags" when, like the Sam-half of The Point of Babette, when I am staving of the imminent danger of dying of sheer boredom.
So I would say that you can put this magazine on trial and it will be found wanting, but really we have to ask ourselves if we are the audience these people are writing for. Perhaps we are expecting too much. But in this case, with the evidence cited against this particular magazine, I think it would be very cathartic to burn this single issue.
10:44 AM
burning it will send toxins into the atmosphere, where people may breath the fumes, causing even more damage than it already has. Is there recycling for glossy mags?
1:16 PM
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