We here at The Point of Babette have decided to get into this whole Nostradamus business. I mean, it seems to be working out pretty well for him and he's, you know, dead, and therefore unable to reap any more of the benefits. We, however, are alive, so if we make some predictions and they happen to come true, we could get paid for, say, making some more. Or for being awesome, which is something we've always hoped to parlay into generating revenue.
You might ask, "Are you any good at predicting things?" To which we would reply, "No, not at all." But then, we've never really tried before. This could be the new talent that our fortune cookie was talking about last week. In other words, prepare to be amazed.
1. In the coming year, one or more harried California DMV workers will have a Britney Spears-related breakdown, resulting in a violent public outburst.
2. Someone will be elected President of the United States.
3. The winner of American Idol will be a chain-smoking mother of two from Houston, TX named Dita Smothers whose signature song is "Lady Marmalade."
4. During hurricane season, there will be a big hurricane.
5. In the dog days of August, Google CEO Eric Schmidt and Apple CEO Steve Jobs will finally meet mano a mano in a dusty back alley of Silicon Valley to wrestle for control of the entire world, the mangled body of Bill Gates having been recovered from the East River three days prior.
6. George W. Bush will, before the end of his presidency, make some clearly insane decision about the war in Iraq and strive to convince us in garbled English that it is the only possible solution. And more people will die.
7. The peanut crop will be unremarkable. Except that we just remarked on it. Otherwise, unremarkable.
8. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be investigated by Immigration Services after the ranks of their adopted children swell to the size of a small village, including several suspiciously low-voiced and burly boys. When asked to characterize the concern of the inquiry, Immigration officials will reply, "Invasion."
9. The major box office draw this summer will be a sequel.
And, perhaps most importantly:
10. The universe will become thoroughly ashamed of itself and do a 180 in the affairs of one Samantha N. Simpson. It will dig up an ideal job with an ideal salary and present it promptly and humbly. Other sorts of wish fulfillment will follow.
Well, everyone, it looks like it's going to be a great year. Just remember, you read it here first!
